Memories of my Grandmother

Today has been one of the hardest and before it ends I wanted to write out a post about how I feel so that I can remember.

I’ve been lucky enough to have not experienced significant loss in my life up until today. When I found out my grandmother died it was a feeling I’d never felt before. It felt like I couldn’t see straight and like my body weighed 90 tons and like I was in a soundless tunnel. I felt like gravity was sucking me into a black hole from which I’d never escape. My grandma was so pure and so sweet. I remember spending my summers with her in southern Utah and sitting with her in the garden picking tomatoes and strawberries. I remember playing dress up in her closet with my cousins while she napped on her bed (which had years worth of canned food storage stuffed underneath). I can remember sitting with her and watching college basketball (her favorite) like it was the best show on television night after night. sitting in the dark living room under a blanket being lulled to sleep by the sounds of the tv. I remember sitting at her kitchen table playing scrabble and trying to convince her that I could use made up words.

I loved my summers with her. I stopped visiting her as frequently when I became a teenager because my family moved to Hawaii and flights became very expensive. I’m sad that I don’t have any recent pictures with her. The last time I saw her was the summer before I left on my mission to Honduras. It was only a brief visit and I wish I had chosen to stay longer but some things that felt important at the time called me elsewhere. I remember she wasn’t as strong and tall as I had remembered her. I felt like I wanted to stay with her forever, to help her and be there for her.

The last time I talked to her was on the phone and she told me she loved me and that she was so proud of me for being so strong and for serving a mission and for being a good daughter to my mother. I remember the sound of her soft voice on the phone and it felt like a warm hug. I am sad and I miss her so much but I know we will meet again someday.

Today has been so hard because I can’t imagine how my mother feels. It has to be a million times what I have felt. I think about how I would feel in her place and there are no words. Today has been hard. This morning after crying for a while in my mom's arms, a calmness overcame me and I felt so strongly in my heart and soul that my grandmother is at peace and that she is not in pain.

I’m glad for my testimony of the gospel and of the plan God has for us. I know that this life is only a short part of the plan of happiness and that after this life, we live on. It can be hard to grasp and conceptualize the concept of eternity and immortality. I have a testimony that Heavenly Father loves us and has provided a way for us to return back to him. That we are destined for greatness and happiness. I know that my grandmother has progressed into the next step in the plan God has for her. I know she is not in pain and is not suffering, but that she is finally at rest and at peace and that she lives on. My testimony in the plan of salvation has never been as strong as it has been today and this knowledge has brought me so much peace.

 I love my grandmother so much.

Alma 40: 11-12:

Baptism

I'm not sure how coherent this post will be since it is currently10:55pm on a Wednesday; not exactly the most spiritual of times. This past Sunday I was really focusing on theming my Sunday. I picked a "theme" before going to church and made a goal to learn as much as I could about my theme and find ways the lesson related to it. I chose baptism. I think mostly because I was really looking for a way to focus myself during sacrament. I am really happy I chose baptism as my theme because I was able to find some great scriptures that reminded me of how special my baptism was and how special baptisms are for everyone.

I'm trying to remember as much as I can about my own baptism but it was such a long time ago and to be completely honest, I don't think I fully understood what was going on. I just knew it was something I was supposed to do and something that was good. I was kind of spiritually oblivious for much of my adolescence. However, I am so very grateful to my parents who wanted the best for me and helped me feel as ready as I could've been at age eight for that big commitment. I remember being baptized by my father and I remember the feelings of being nervous at first and then peaceful after. I remember being confirmed by my uncle and feeling that peace again afterward. I don't remember much else. I don't even know if I have a picture from that day.

I love the verses in Moroni 6

I love this because it can be a great reminded of what I should strive for. I can read this and remember that at baptism I made a promise to have a broken heart, contrite spirit, be a witness unto God, to truly repent of my sins, take upon the name of Christ, and serve Christ unto the end. In just two scriptures there's so much about how I can work on fulfilling the promise I made a baptism. 

So I guess the TL;DR of it all is this: I learned a lot about how I can fulfill my baptismal promise and I know that as I try to do those things as best I can, I know that I'll be a great example to others and that I'll receive some cool blessings in return. 

#woahthatgotreallyspiritual #thanksforreading #sometimesisuprisemyself

<3 Samantha

2017 Desafío del Libro de Mormon

So My goal for 2017 is to read the Book of Mormon twice and since January I've decided that one of those times should be in Spanish! I'm super excited to read all of the Book of Mormon in my mission language, especially since I never finished it cover to cover during my mission (please withhold all judgement). There's always been something super special about reading the scriptures in Spanish for me. Many times I have read a scripture in English and then later on I will read the same thing in Spanish and the full impact of what I am reading will hit me stronger and with more meaning that it did in English. Maybe it is the beauty of the language or maybe it is just from reading it multiple times haha. But I am super excited about my goal. As of today I am only in the first chapter of 2nd Nefi but I am thinking about listening in Spanish on my commutes to school in the mornings and then listening in English on the way home in the afternoons.

2017 Goals

My goals for this upcoming year. They're things that I've noticed I need to work on more and things I've fallen behind on this year.

• Read the Book of Mormon twice
• Make it to church on time each Sunday
• Daily scripture study
• Regular temple attendance
• Go to Institute regularly
• Go to weekly activities regularly
• Finish PP & Start it over again

Things I would like to focus my study/efforts on. These are things I want to focus on while I study and hopefully I'll learn more about these things.

• Faith
• Tithing
• Member missionary work
• Family history
• The Book of Mormon
• Developing Christlike attributes

A Hopeful Start

Well, here it goes. I have thought about starting a blog like this for a while now, probably ever since I returned home from my mission. I thought about continuing to post on my mission blog but decided against it because it's nice to have that record of just my adventures during that time. So I started thinking about what I would or could do with a different blog. I think it would be the same concept as that blog. Which would be to record my spiritual journey and thoughts. As of right now, the plan is to try this out for a whole year. I would like to use this blog as a creative outlet and as motivation to keep spiritual goals.

<3 Samantha